5/11/12

I have finally figured out on this beautiful May (whatever date it is I don't know) Friday why I have gone through nearly seventeen years of suffering, hardship, turmoil, conflicts, depression, pain and low self-esteem. The epiphany hit me like a spaciousness that frees you. I knew it deep down all along but I think I'm in a place now where my mind and body can really handle it. I can truly accept the truth of what has happened....at 30 years of age. My freedom deepens as each day goes by.

So guess what it is. Guess why. Guess HOW I have become the Master of my Chariot, the Full Embodiment of my Pain and the Glorious Beauty and Shimmer of Masterful Transformation......guess why.

It's because of the hegemonies.

The hegemonies, the narcisstic institutions, the community psychobitches, the money mongrels and the greedy in all walks of life have caused me such pain and agony. They have set up systems and judgments where they make you feel less than human, less than perfect, stupid and worthless if you don't follow their rules and their ways. If you follow their ways of course, you're called 'responsible' and 'hard-working.' Which of course is a bunch of crap. The world continues to compensate and "reward" people who do absolutely no work and continues to punish those who work pain-stakingly for Truth, Intelligence, Art and Freedom. Today, I feel as though I may regain my self-esteem back. I may start enjoying what's out there in this world. But I will always enjoy it as a Flamenca....this is my True Nature and God's Truth....I will never become one of them, the false. I will never let anything define me except for my dancing feet.

So even though the hegemonies continue to steal my money, even though men continue to wound like narcissists and even though the daggers keep coming at me giving me no respite, I continue to live and create bonds with those people who truly dance and are real and I live for them and Me.

I may have had only twelve dollars in my pocket yesterday but that was enough to buy spaghetti sauce, ricotta cheese and mozzarella so that I could feed my fellow dancers and artists and musicians. We will not suffer for the stupid. We will celebrate our Friday evening with food and the guitar....the music that keeps me alive.

~ Fuck it, I'm Alive ~ Peace