If Ever

The eyes search for you
in low-lit lanes
where cars go by and people stroll.

Thinking you may see me
before I see you,
I walk taller and

hide my hands in my coat pockets
so you won't see them quivering.

I blink the snowflakes
off my lashes so
no sight of you obscures.

But there is no vision of you,
just an image in my mind of
you driving by.

My gaze lowers and
retreats to the sidewalk.

I wonder when, or how,

If ever.